The Confusion 'Principal' - Humorous True Story

From the first day that I was in Mrs. Hibbett's English class, she mispronounced my name.  She insisted that I should be called 'L-Jon' instead of 'L-Gun', the way my family pronounced my name.  I took it as an insult but even still if she insisted on calling me 'L-Jon', I could tolerate it for a while.  I guess that I thought that maybe eventually she would get it right.  Who was I to correct an English teacher on how to pronounce something?  Except it irked me.  It was my name and as far as I could tell she handled everyone else's name just as they pronounced it.  Why was she singling me out as the only student who was mispronouncing a first name?

She had ignored the first couple of times when I had attempted to correct her; she persisted calling me L-Jon.  The more I tolerated it the longer it would linger as a continuing irritation.

To that point in life I was a rather quiet, generally shy person.  I was a listener more so than a talker and a watcher more so than a doer.  I tried to never make trouble for myself or anyone else.  Then, one day all of that changed.

I don't know why it happened as it did or even what happened to trigger it.  Maybe it was that my voice had begun to deepen and hair had begun to replace the fuzz of youth in my private places. I might have even got up on the proverbial wrong side of the bed.  Sin of all sins, I ignored Mrs. Hibbett calling someone named 'L-Jon' to the front of the class to do board work. It was a silent protest and despite her repeating the request, I was sitting there staring into space. I  completely ignored her while trying not to notice that every eye in the classroom was suddenly trained upon me.

She got up from her desk, and walked over to my side of the room. We were seated alphabetically, of course. So I was pretty-much at the back of the room and furthest from the door as my last name started with a 'W'.  All the other tail-enders of the arbitrary alphabetical segregation were seated in the same ghetto of surnames around me. Mrs. Hibbett walked right up to my desk. She angrily planted her high heels into  the resilient tile floor and reiterated that she wanted someone named 'L-Jon' to do board work.

"Excuse me but are you talking to me?"

"Who else would I be talking to, 'L-Jon'?"

"Oh, that's the problem.  My name is pronounced 'L-Gun' not 'L-Jon'."

"It should be pronounced 'L-Jon'," she insisted.

"That is how you choose to pronounce it.  It is my name and I can pronounce it any way I damned-well want to!"

Of course, she sent me to the office.  I was sitting in the outer office awaiting a conference with either Mr. Smith the assistant principal or Mr. Irvine as the latter walked by and said, "Bill, what brings you down here?"

"Mrs. Hibbett sent me to see you."

"Come in, then."

I got up and followed him into his office, closing the door behind me.

"Have a seat," Mr. Irvine said as he offered me a jawbreaker from a jar that he kept on his desk.  "Okay tell me the story."

"Mrs. Hibbett has been mispronouncing my name ever since the first day I reported to her class."

"How do ya mispronounce Bill?"

"Well, that's just it.  My name is Elgon."

"It is?"

"Yes sir.  I think you got Bill from my last name being first on my transcript from military school."

"Oh, oh yeah, that must be how that happened.  Well, be that as it may, it is your name.  I suppose you could pronounce it 'Mike' if you wanted to."

"Well, that is sort of what I told her."

"That is silly.  Why would she send you down here over something like that?"

"It was probably the way I expressed it."

"What exactly did you say?"

"I told her I could pronounce my name any way I damned-well wanted to."

"Oh, well, yes that would matter," he said.  "That is over the top.  It is not good to swear at a teacher, especially in front of the entire class.  You disrespected her and undermined her authority."

"I know that.  I usually don't swear.  I didn't intend to undermine her authority it is just that she belligerently counters everything I say to her in class, always quick with a sarcastic come back.  I have been taking it all along.  It just made me very mad that she refuses to say my name the way I want it to be pronounced."

"Well, she is a very good teacher.  It is just that sometimes her style does not agree with certain people.  Are you learning from her?"

"Yes, I am learning.  It is just the sarcasm that bothers me and her refusal to pronounce my name the way that I prefer."

"Well, I want you to go back to class and apologize to her in front of everyone for swearing and being disrespectful.  As for the name thing, well, I have to agree with you on that one.  I'll have a talk with her about it."

He hurriedly wrote out a hall pass and told me to return to class and refrain from using harsh language in the future.

When I returned to Mrs. Hibbett's classroom, every eye was again trained upon me.

"Well?" she asked.

"Mr. Irvine said that I am to apologize to you for the language I used and for being disrespectful and undermining your authority."

"And..."

"I'm sorry for that and it won't happen again."

"That's good."

"But he agrees with me that it is my name and I can expect it to be pronounced any way I want it to."

I could see her face redden. Whether it was from embarrassment or rage I was not sure.

"Well from now on I will call you Mr. Williams.  That is how you pronounce your last name, isn't it?"

"Yes ma'am."

I was grateful that at that moment the bell rang.  Unfortunately, she wanted me to stay after class for a bit.

When everyone left the room, she closed the door.

"What is your problem with me?  Really?"

"It is just that you refuse to pronounce my name the way I was used to and when I corrected you on it you continually ignored me.  Other than that I don't like being put down all the time."

"Put down?"

"Your sarcasm bothers me.  If I said to you what you say to me in class I would live in the office."

"I see.  Well, I was unaware that you had a problem with any of that..."

"Look, if you don't mean anything by it, I guess that's okay.  I was not in the mood for any of it today, that's all.  I am really very sorry that I swore at you.  I won't do it again."

"Go on to your next class."